Thats my attitude. I guess I have up and down weeks now. Though, generally lacking enthusiasm. For awhile I thought I was on an up.. But no.. no.. failure comes to mind. And not only to mind because I’m thinking it, but other people are thinking it towards me also. And I’m starting to feel careless.

I’m missing more and more classes in school. I hate the word mitching, and the main idea put behind it. I don’t think its fully understood by teachers and parents why students do it. Usually their attitude is that they have been in school and they have gotten through it. But they are done now, they don’t have to worry about it any more so of course that is going to be their attitude.

Sometimes I feel I can’t face school. I can’t sit there, and think or pay attention for a full 40 minutes of class. Sometimes its even painful. You can feel your energy falling out of your head slowly, drop by drop, because of the severe exhaustion. It also leads to me being unable to do things in the evenings because I’m so tired. Sometimes I sit in a class, and wonder why I’m even there. It feels pointless, because my brains never there, so why should I be there wasting teachers time and my own.

My next big task is my art exam on Friday and Monday. Thats going to be tough. Especially because theres only the week to prepare and I keep changing my mind for the poster idea. Also, teachers think that art doesn’t matter and they haven’t been any help, piling on other work while we have an actual leaving cert exam at the end of the week, just because it isn’t their subject.

Anyway.. I’m too tired to continue. Meh.

Can you believe its just over 4 weeks left…?

I CAN!

Its brilliance at its best. Amazingness. A reason to live even! … Okay, so a little over the top.. but can you tell I’m excited?

One thing I’ve noticed is that I’m actually starting to enjoy school more and more as its nearly over. I found myself not wanting to leave maths class, hell yeah, I was really stuck into my Paper 2, Question 2, questions on the line. I freaking LOVE the line questions. But maybe its because its pretty damn easy?

I can’t wait for May to come. For two reasons, the finishing school, and finding out what I got in my portfolio.

For those of you who have never experienced a “Portfolio”, its usually done for colleges to get into courses for Art & Design, Photography, Graphic Design, etc.. which is submitted to the college around March/April. My portfolio was for Photography which can be seen here:http://amysdeadpeas.deviantart.com or On Bebo.

The results of your portfolio are usually issued April/May and these points go along with your leaving cert to get into the course you want.

I could have done ridiculously bad, and could fall into a massive hole of depression right before my leaving cert. But at that stage I doubt I’ll care. Theres always the option of a PLC course. Or selling my photos in galleries. Theres always more than one option, but thats what parents and teachers don’t want to make clear to you because “The Leaving Cert is the way to go!!!”.

Freedom, here I come…!

BULLSHIT.

Basically, that sums it up methinks.

I can’t get over the fact that all these people who have went through the leaving cert and now are making up the decisions that we should continue this state exam because its absolutely amazing, are actually so doused in stupidity for making us continue with this. Its not like we get much option. And they are the ones who should be smart and well educated because they did their leaving! But noooo. See, one big vicious circle. Anyway, I’m sure they know they suck.

Its ridiculous. I’m an angry rabbit.

A state exam decides the rest of our future? If we fail we’re a disgrace to the state and our parents, extended families, and neighbors who live miles away, but they’ve all heard about Mary and her daughter who failed the leaving.

A lot of people can be successful without the leaving cert. And a lot have. All that time spent in school learning things that we will never use in life, or don’t even like. What a waste of life. Life is for doing things you love, and enjoy to enjoy life to its fullest. But look at the pressure and stress school puts on us. Its not possible to live life with this shit on our backs.

Don’t get me wrong though, I love learning, but I love learning things I’m interested.

I also feel that real intelligence is picked up naturally, the education that really matters.

Nobody really looks further than just exams do they?

In the morning, I have oral. An oral. A german one.

Interrigation in a language that isn’t your first.

Chances of fucking up, very high. Its so incredibly intimidating.

If you say something wrong, you could get stuck in quite a nasty mess. And thats what I hope to do.

Don’t worry. Its only the pres. It’s not like its the leaving cert, that damn state examination.

Yet everyones going mad?
Pages, wasted ink, insanity, shiny exam paper pages.. I swear that soft shiny paper keeps me amused for a whole one third of the exam time.. nattering, more pages.. god what a waste of paper.. heavy breathing (theres always one person that will get REALLY bored in an exam). or if you go mad like me, its the sound of my little inky pen being thrown against the table in an effort to break it so I’ll have a reasonable excuse not to continue the exam.

One thing I LOVE about my English exam, is usually the essay titles. I guarantee you there will be always at least one title that will allow you to slate the education system, the government, and humanity. The easiest option is always to take this. Think about it, your in an exam, and how many people are usually happy about that? Not many. Your angry. And the essay title (I 200% guarantee you) was put there for you to ‘fuck’ them out of it using big words.

To be continued..got lazy…

Well, actually it really hit me, I should be studying instead of writing. Writing things that may interest like minded people in the same situation. I should be sitting in front of a text book, scrolling through nothing I can relate to. And perhaps disappearing beneath the books like covers. Although, I could do with the sleep…